Your Mission, Should You Choose to Accept It

It's not Mission Impossible.

Although it sometimes feels that way.

It's Mission Redirect.

Fix me, fix me not

Are you a fixer? Do you jump out of yourself to make things better for others? Do you (anxiously) anticipate other people's needs, responding to needs they might not agree they have, ready with a solution in hand, whether or not you've been asked?

Please take a breath, drop inside and consider this: you've likely breached a boundary.

Notice the state you were in before you “helped” another person. I put helped in quotes because often, if you're a helpaholic, the person you’re really trying to help by doing for others is yourself.

And that might not feel so helpful to the other person.

You can't really help someone if you're self-medicating by helping others. Preoccupied with your own anxiety, it’s unlikely you’re giving people what they need, which may well be as simple as someone to listen and see them.

And you're not giving yourself what you need; you're distracting yourself from what you need.

That might give you short term relief but you've missed an opportunity to heal yourself.

Sitting with undigested emotions

All of us walk around with undigested emotions. How do I know that? Because we've all been children.

Even as adults, we aren't always present for our emotions. As children, we simply didn't have the skill to be present with our emotions. And we probably didn't have the modeling.

So the emotions didn't get the attention they needed to dissipate, and even years later, they continue to circulate within, restless and wrecking havoc.

Undigested emotions take over your choices and fritter away your vitality. They don’t have your best interests at heart; they need to be felt and recognized and seen.

Sound familiar?

Supporting yourself and others

Before you offer a word or two of support to someone else, check on your state first, for your own sake as well as the sake of your relationship.

Feel how it feels to be you right now. Be present and mindful. Notice if there’s any agitation and sit with that until it settles.

Of course you can help others, you just want to make sure you’re really helping them. And not just reaching out from your own neediness, to distract yourself from your own pain.

This program is an apt place to start practicing mindful support. Before you leave a comment to support another participant, settle yourself into the present.

Then choose simple words from your heart to let that person know you're here. Don't offer a solution. No one thinks of themselves as a problem to be solved. We all just want to be seen. (Even when it seems a little scary.)

It takes courage to be still and let the present unfold. This is a safe place to give it a try.