The biggest part of better boundaries is awareness. Training your mind to stay present (not hyper vigilant, present) helps you stay safe.
But how? One very effective way is to meditate. Two weeks of daily meditation before your daily heart-write will make a difference. Research supports that.
And so I encourage you to be meditative even if you choose to practice Reiki or light touch self care. You can observe your breath lightly (not focussing or concentrating, just being aware) or simply keep your awareness indrawn, noticing your inner experience without drawing conclusions or interpretations.
I look forward to you noticing the changes that come with consistent daily spiritual practice. Meanwhile, there is something you can do right now that has an immediate effect.
As in RIGHT now. No matter when NOW is.
Get back to your body
The fastest way to get present is to bring your awareness to your body. Your body has naturally strong, clear boundaries. You might not know your emotional boundaries (yet), but once you bring your awareness to your body, you know where your body is and where it is not.
The fastest way to bring your awareness to your body is to flex the large muscles in the lower body, the ones you sit on (your glutes), and the muscles at the front and back of your thighs (quads and hamstrings, respectively).
Let's do it
Develop the habit of bringing your awareness to those muscles, flexing, holding, and releasing them.
Let's start now. Meaning, let's actually do this, now. No need to change your clothes and it doesn't matter if you've just eaten.
Although you will get so you can flex those muscles while standing — which means you can literally practice this anywhere — let's start sitting in a chair, feet flat on the floor.
Begin with your glutes. Flexing them makes you taller in your seat. Flex, hold, release a few times. (Bonus tip! You can protect your lower back by engaging your glutes before bending forward.)
Now alternate pressing your right heel into the floor, and then your left. Notice how that engages your quads, the muscles on the top of your thighs.
And finally, alternate dragging each heel back toward your chair, but without actually moving your heel. The goal is to engage the hamstrings. It's not a problem if you engage other muscles in your legs, such as your calves, at the same time. You don't have to isolate the muscles, just flex them.
Checking in
Now check-in with yourself. How do you feel? What's different now than how you felt before you started engaging your muscles? Please share the difference it makes in a comment below.
Your assignment, should you choose to accept: Get in the habit of checking in with your body throughout the day, flexing those muscle groups and getting present. Notice the difference your new grounding habit makes.
I feel more grounded after I engage these muscle. I’ve added some simple shoulder and neck stretches, which further help me release tension and loosen up. Flexing and stretching helps me love my body too.
So true, Sarah! It’s easier to bond with those we spend time with, including ourselves!
I better understand this post, this time. I wrote in one of the earlier programs that I felt like the James Thurber character, Mr. Duffy, “who lived a short distance from his body”.
As I practiced these exercises, I realized that my body is what has kept me safe. The world may, at times, be dangerous, but my body is safe and being present in it is safe.
Wonderful, Emma!
There’s a lot of depth in the simplicity of this program, and the understanding unfolds over time.
Contemporary neuroscience has confirmed that when we’re unsafe, we’re not in our bodies — not their language 😂 — and when we return to our bodies, we’re safe, and hypervigilance relaxes.
One of the many things I have learned from you is the strength of simplicity in Reiki practice….
I am also noticing that flexing these muscles slows down my racing thoughts and hasty actions. And my breathing slows down…..