It can take your mind a long time to figure out whether there's a threat to your boundaries, or if they've already been breached. And even then you keep second-guessing yourself, don't you?
There's a better way than asking your mind if you're in (perceived) danger.
Start by acknowledging the (perceived) part. You don't need to know for sure, without a doubt, there's an imminent threat to your safety. It's enough to acknowledge a breach might be happening. Let your discomfort be a flag that's red enough to get your attention.
We humans have a way of ignoring what we think we cannot address, so it's understandable how much you've let slip by in the past.
NEWS FLASH! Things have changed.
Now you have tools you can use quickly and easily even in a Sudden Boundary Moment, so there's no need to pretend it's not happening.
You're now empowered to address trespassing. It's official! No certificate necessary.
Learn from your own experience
Remember a time when your boundaries were crossed, or even threatened. It might have been recent, or it could be a memory from the far distant past that remains unusually vivid.
Start with a relatively mild incident; no need to start with your most intense experience.
No matter how (relatively) mild the experience might have been, you likely don't want to go there again. See if this is a discomfort you'd like to move with. Let your new found love of clarity support you.
Even if it's uncomfortable for a moment, reconnecting with that experience yields information you need. And you might even find some healing while you're there.
Notice the details
Make a word sketch of how and what you felt, listing particulars in no apparent order. Heart-write the sketch if you can. It doesn't have to be a formal heart-write, just take a few minutes hand-to-heart to settle in before writing.
Look for details such as temperature changes — did you get hot or get a chill? Did time speed up or slow down? What emotions did you feel? Did your mind wander or get focused? Did you space out?
Staying grounded and heart-based
Pause as needed to flex your muscles—yes, right now— to return to your body. Place a hand to your chest or observe your breath (or both) as needed to maintain your steady state, and stay out of overwhelm.
Once you're empowered with clarity about the signs, and ways to address trespassing, you can train yourself to intervene and get present when you notice those signs.
Isn't that a boundary you want to maintain for yourself?
Maintaining healthy boundaries is self-care, which is self-love in action. It's what we all need and want you to do.
Do we agree?
One benefit for me, retaking this program several times, is that I understand more deeply every time. Gaining new insights and better boundaries.
When I connected with an incident where my boundaries were terribly compromised, I could see how my knowing that they were being trespassed was so very deeply buried and unacnowkedged. I was so naive. But in my heart I had known. But I didn’t know how to hear myself.
No self judgement just a very tender self compassion for my younger self who was unprepared for life.
I didn’t sense any self judgement in your sharing, Emma, but rather precisely the type of recognition that we’re aiming for here.
There’s a difference between taking responsibility and blaming.
And of course, it’s a matter of boundaries!
Taking responsibility is empowering; we’re seeing we had possibilities that we could choose in the future.
Blame/guilt is emotional cement. It inhibits growth.
Well done!
Love the description.
It IS emotional cement.