BETTER BOUNDARIES

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  1. Aligned, Strength, Self Care

    I help myself by listening to myself which feels like self love (self care) which makes me feel strong and self reliant. I used to need to be needed, it somehow validated me and gave me power, strength and recognition, but from an outside source because I hadn’t found this yet inside of me. I was meeting my needs through meeting someone else’s needs. This is a work in progress, but feels like I’m heading more in the right direction and this writing felt more like heart writing. I do have a question…what is the line between taking care of our own needs, our own world and being too self involved, and too selfish if there is such a thing? If we don’t care about others or the world at large, it’s reciprocated and we can live a lonely isolated life.

    • There is no line, Kim; only presence.

      Love and care is for everyone, and we need to take enlightened, practical, skillful action or we deplete ourselves.

      We take care of ourselves first because that’s our responsibility — you know, putting your oxygen mask on first so you live to help others.

  2. Tired, ease, spaciousness

    Writing from my heart with no objective, taking time for me, taking time to pause, being with my feelings reminded me of how much I used to enjoy the pauses in my life. Not too long ago, I used to be comfortable with doing nothing, with being alone with myself. I wasn’t afraid of boredom. It was a space of creativity where I often came up with solutions to problems, new ideas or projects. Those creative pauses brought me joy and vitality. Now my phone too often fills the empty spaces in my life and I feel less creative. I am grateful for this experience because next time I reach for my phone to avoid the discomfort of boredom, I will remind myself of how good those creative pauses felt, how expansive they felt compared to how drained I feel after scrolling on my phone.

  3. helping, anticipating, prioritizing

    I felt good to be able to practice twice today. There are things I am looking forward to and prioritizing those in my daily living seem to be like helping myself. After my practice session, I went out to take care of the items that will bring me joy and vitality. I-not my job, my peers, or eve family members-am the primary care-giver of myself and it is okay and totally fine to take care of myself.

  4. Confused, connection,community

    I wrote about how I was a helper from childhood and how that role gave me connection to my parents. But I was confused, contemplating if that’s how I show up in adulthood, in other relationships, and how it doesn’t necessarily lead to more connection, deeper relationships, community.

    • That all sounds useful, Andrea, and yet it doesn’t like heart-writing.

      We’re not contemplating when we heart-write; we’re writing directly from the heart. It’s spontaneous. Have you experienced any of that?

      • I think I started with heart writing and some of the feelings of loneliness despite trying my best to help and be seen, felt too heavy (I may have been judging my feelings here), and started to think about things instead of just pouring it out.

        • That’s a great example of how you wind up in your head when emotions get too uncomfortable, Andrea.

          Keep observing and notice when it happens.

          And notice if you judge it.

          And see if you can refrain from judging yourself for judging yourself. Deal?

          Also, maybe some self-inquiry: too heavy for what? Too heavy to observe? Did you get into the feelings instead of just feeling them?

  5. Scattered. Focused. Warm.

    My heart writing brought me the realization that I bleed energy trying to “help• others.

    My mind can multi task. My heart can not. When I live from my heart, I am strong and there isn’t the busy-ness that comes from living in my (monkey) mind.

    • And bleeding energy keeps us stuck. Transformation takes awareness and vitality.

      Better solutions can occur to you once you start being mindful of your vitality.

      It might be more accurate to say “I think” my mind can multi task. Neuroscience has shown that when we multi task, the brain is actually rapidly switching tasks, as it can do only one thing at a time.

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