BETTER BOUNDARIES

Day Four

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Your writing prompt: When uncomfortable... 
 
Your practice blessing: When the going gets tough, the tough get present.

Comments

  1. Sit, Walk, Listen

    When uncomfortable I sometimes go for a walk in the park or I take hot bath or I reach for a sweet to cover up the discomfort. Sometimes I just sit so I gain some clarity about what’s bothering me. Is it physical, mental worries, unresolved issues within myself or between friends…Looking for clues as to how I abandoned myself this time. Then sometimes just a cup of tea and calling a friend and I’m more at ease with myself. And sometimes the only thing that helps is a prayer and being kinder to myself and to sit with the sadness or the loneliness and to feel deeply.

    • Taking a walk in the park or a hot bath isn’t covering up the discomfort, Kim; those are acts of self healing.

      There’s quite a lot of good science to support that, not that that makes it more real, as there’s not always science to support effective self-healing, but sometimes it helps the mind.

      Even reaching for a sweet can be self-healing. It all depends on what you need at that moment to balance: are you following an addiction, or following your intuition/hearing your body? The latter takes time to develop, but you could do it.

      Sitting to gain clarity can be helpful, but less helpful if you’re doing it to drive away the discomfort instead of explore and heal.

      It’s the difference between intervening to get out of what feels messy and leaning mindfully into the mess, which I think is what you described in your last sentence: “And sometimes the only thing that helps is a prayer and being kinder to myself and to sit with the sadness or the loneliness and to feel deeply.”

      There’s a difference between distracting oneself from discomfort, which is sometimes the best we can do, and being present with the discomfort, accepting the moment, and healing.

      BTW feeling uncomfortable doesn’t have to mean you’ve abandoned yourself. There is pain in human life; it comes and if we’re skillful, it goes without leading us to cause more unnecessary pain. Practice helps us stay centered and peaceful even as we feel unavoidable pain.

      • Thanks for the feedback Pamela. I think that what you are pointing to is the conscious intention I have or don’t have when I’m doing something to deal with my discomfort, whether eating a sweet, walking or sitting and going deep when possible. Staying centered and grounded while we go through life and feel the unavoidable pain. If I can remain conscious and intentional I won’t as you said create more unnecessary pain. This was very helpful!

        • Yes, and if “conscious and intentional” speaks to you, go with it.

          My concern with that phrasing is whether there is unnecessary effort in it, and sometimes even that is developmental.

          I’m talking about being present.

          What’s the difference? If your present, you’re aware and can notice whether you’re being intentional.

          Being intentional can start as a practice, and ultimately it’s part of being present.

  2. uncomfortable, digesting, resting

    I came down with cold a few days ago. For some reasons, despite uncomfortable symptoms including sneezing and coughing, I have been (almost strangely) enjoying the passage of the symptoms as my body usually feel very cleansed and reset afterwards. I especially welcomed the cold I’ve been hosting this time; it is loosening up muscular contractions in the body but that also seems having loosening effect in my general sense of well-being. With deeper understanding and practices, perhaps I could face “difficult” emotions and let them move and transform into something else, like what Valerie describes on this page.

    • I don’t see why not, Eunsoo, as you’ve already come so far.

      You wrote, “I could face difficult emotions.” Positioning them like that is holding a power position.

      Instead, you could simply feel them, knowing they will pass once felt.

  3. Empty softness lovable

    As I was writing a feeling of unworthiness came up. I chose to sit with it instead of disregarding it. Memories of past experiences of being judged, scolded or rejected when I made mistakes, did something wrong or didn’t live up to expectations started to fill my mind. I felt the urge to shut them down, to run from them but I decided to pause and feel how my body felt. I felt a tightness in my throat and a heavy dull pain at my solar plexus. Sadness came up. I felt it and let it slowly dissolve, then felt a soft loving feeling spread throughout my body like a comforting blanket.

  4. Redefine uncomfortable, safe

    I found myself writing about the many times I felt uncomfortable in childhood. I think I often felt uncomfortable, maybe even unsafe, from having to perform, fit in and hide parts of myself. In my writing today I discovered I can start feeling safe and be “okay” even when feeling discomfort.

  5. Fear. Braced. Still.

    I found mysef not wanting to write about being uncomfortable. To think about being uncomfortable. Almost like a little two year old saying No! I won’t be uncomfortable!

    This is, perhaps, the beginning of a healthy boundary. (?).

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