Mark Twain famously said, "Worrying really works. Nothing I worried about ever happened." How many things have you worried about that never happened?
Despite it's apparent effectiveness (tongue firmly in cheek here), worrying is not a safety plan. On the contrary, worrying is an unsafety plan; it undermines our sense of safety.
What do you worry about? (Pause for list-making.)
Don't have time for an exhaustive list right now? Would it be too, umm, exhausting?
No worries! Jot down one thing, or bring it to mind. Just please don't read one more word without highlighting a worry of yours. That's your first very doable step toward conquering The Worries.
Call to action
Take a minute (or maybe a few) with each worry. Be a problem-solver. Identify actions you might take to mitigate that worry, and when you would take that action.
For example, if you're worried you won't have time to eat dinner, you could put some food aside in advance (when exactly?). Or you could turn your last meeting into a dinner meeting (make that call now).
Once you've jotted down your possible actions and timing next to each worry, you've transformed your worries into choices.
How empowering is that?
Step two
Organize your worry list into two groups. The first group has the items that have actions you could take. Those are the worries where you have some control. Exercise that control.
The second group, the items that don't have actions, are the ones where you have no outer control. You cannot control the situation, but you can address your state. That's what spiritual practice does.
Some days we need more than others, and it makes sense to give ourselves what we need. Isn't that a solid foundation for healthy boundaries?
Pause to evaluate
How does that clarity feel? Do you feel the empowerment?
Prioritizing your state is the first step to improving your boundaries. You cannot hold boundaries if you're not here in the moment. All your power is here in this moment.
Let me repeat: All your power is here in this moment.
Not being present means being disempowered.
Stay out of overwhelm. Stay present in your body.
Breathe.
Repeat.
I was able to use the wisdom in this article when dealing with a situation that had me worried and inconvenienced this week. I handled the situation, which was unexpected, first taking care of what needed to be taken care of. But then, I took steps that were in my control to minimize it happening again. I would usually have first been a people please at the expense of my boundaries. I made different decisions and took different actions today.
It felt good.
Congratulations ❤️