Many years ago, I had a friend who was an unlikely Virgo. You don't have to be an astrology buff to know Virgos are known for order.
Except Fred. His room in a shared farmhouse was the messiest space I'd ever seen. Clothes, papers, records were strewn around with no attempt at organization. I would have at least closed the door. His was wide open.
Fred's perspective was: you're either organized inside or you're organized outside.
I didn't see those as mutually exclusive options, but I admired Fred's willingness to be himself. I also noticed he was the steadiest person I knew who wasn't in robes.
Fred's perspective stayed with me, and while I resist drawing facile conclusions, I wonder if neat freaks are fighting off inner overwhelm.
Conversely, I've noticed when I'm inwardly composed, it's a lot easier to keep my surroundings organized, even though it's honestly not that important to me. (I'd rather be practicing or online with you!)
Keeping your priorities straight
Your first and most important boundary is the one that keeps overwhelm at bay.
When you are overwhelmed, you cannot function. You might think you're functioning, but the choices you make are unlikely to be in your best interests. No, you've become an agent of The Enemy. The enemy, as in, overwhelm.
Actions taken out of overwhelm tend to increase the overwhelm. Making a choice trying to manage overwhelm RIGHT NOW without first becoming present in the moment is not an effective solution; it's a temporary fix. And it's a temporary fix that trades overwhelm right now for a bigger mess later.
But you know that, don't you?
Our skill with outer boundaries is directly related to your inner state. Regaining and maintaining a good state is your first priority, so your first boundary has to do with staying out of overwhelm.
Let me put it another way: Take care of your state and your state takes care of everything else.
This article resonates with my current circumstance so well. I was overwhelmed at work due to changes in personnel and was rushing to find someone to fill in the work gap by posting a job ad. Only one person applied and that person didn’t seem matching what I was looking for, yet I was still hoping that person could ease the situation. I took Pamela’s advice of holding off on deciding. That gave me a relief and I paused the process. I was able to see possible burden (not ease) that the recruitment of the person could bring to the situation.
So happy that you’re applying these principles in your work life, Eunsoo! 🙌❤️